Ready Set No

Wanna Be

Hello, Goodbye

and there are more, but those are just the ones from the top of my head =P

What is HAPPENING to me?!?!

1) Empty streets, I follow every breath into the night, the wind so cold, the sun is frozen, the world has lost its light.

2) The amount of pills I'm taking counteracts the booze I'm drinking, and this vanity I'm breaking lets me live my life like this. (If you can't get this one, you've failed epically.)

3) You get up and somebody tells you where to go to, when you get there everybody's telling you what to do.

4) Pressure, pushing down on me, pressing down on you, you might explode.

5) As I walk through the valley of the shadow of LA, the footsteps that were next to me have gone their seperate ways.

6) The Hasbin Highschool hero, he's first in line in his own mind, he doesn't care about the rest.

7) We could be perfect one last night, and die like star crossed lovers when we fight. (More easy points...)

8) Its all a game of this and that, now vs. then.

9) Am I more than you bargained for? I've been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear 'cause that's just who I am this week.

10) Today is the greatest day of them all.

11) I heard a distant early warning but I chose to ignore it, it came back and bit me.

12) Step one, you say you need to talk, he walks, you say sit down it's just a talk.

13) I'm sick and tired of everybody thinking they know what's best for me, maybe I wanted me to be nothing special.

14) Well let's go back to the middle of that day that starts it all, I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling.

15) I wrote a letter, to forget her forever, could be the weather, or just better forever.

16) In the middle of a gunfight in the center of a restaurant they say come with your arms raised high.

17) Back row on a roll, I'm head of the class.

18) This time, this place, misused, mistakes, too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?

19) It's been such a long time, I think I should be going.

20) I hold your letter in my frozen hand, the last line was long, as long as it burns, my look carries on.

21) And if your heart stops beating, I'll be here wondering did you get what you deserve? (Oh please don't kill me for this!?)

22) Heard what you said when you said you'd never say it in a letter, you're more informed than me about what happens on tour.

23) All our times have come, here but now they're gone.

24) Today's the Macy's Day Parade, the night of the living dead is on it's way.

25) Well you can holler on about yourself, but honey what are you gonna do?

26) I look around me, and all I seem to see is people going nowhere, expecting sympathy.

27) You're not in this alone, let me break this awkward silence, let me go, go on record be the first to say I'm sorry.

28) You've got your wish tonight, cross sister crucified. (I'm going to hell for this one..)

29) He calls the mansion not a house but a tomb, he's always choking from the stench and the fume.

30) If you come it's gonna get you, gonna knock you right in the head.

31) Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once?

32) Tell me what'cha want me to think, what'cha want me to think, what'cha want me to think, what'cha want me to think

33) Well if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say, I never want to let you down or have you go it's better off this way.

34) For what you did to me, I'll do to you, you get what everyone else gets, you get a lifetime.

35) Don't cry to me, if you loved me, you wouldn't be here with me.

36) I've got other plans to need permission anyway, here we're stnading after all with my back against the wall.

37) I want a girl with lips like morphine, knock me out everytime they touch me.

38) Saint Jimmy's coming down across the alley way, up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade.

39) If I cut off your arms and I cut off your legs,would you still love me anyway?

40) Gonna take off all my skin, tear apart all of my insides when they rifle in, mom and dad think you'll be saved.

41) I can't stand it, I know you planned it, I'ma set it straight, this watergate, I can't stand rocking when I'm in here cause you're crystal ball ain't so crystal clear.

42) Bright cold silver moon, tonight alone in my room, you were here just yesterday.

Good luck, guys!

"Oh shit, she's awake!"

Random stuff =P

A/N2: I tried to post this last night and it didn't work, sooo..yeah..

Gerard's p.o.v.

I opened my eyes, feeling something wet on my chest. I looked down, and I saw Mikey sobbing into my chest.

"Mikey?" I asked, running my fingers through his hair. He kept mumbling something about gunshots, armwounds, and me. I suddenly froze as all of Mikey's mumbling started to fall into place. It was the night that I got shot in the arm.

"Mikey, look at me." I said, lifting his head to see his sad, hazel eyes looking back at me.

"I can't lose you!" Mikey cried, suddenly sounding like the vunerable 12 year old he was at the time.

"You're not going to lose me anytime soon." I replied, reminding myself of the 15 year old I once was. I ran my fingers through Mikey's hair and rubbed his back. I looked at the time. 2:30 am. I continued my attempt to calm Mikey down, and it was gradually working. Soon enough, my brother was sleeping again.

As I was waiting for sleep to come over me too, I ended up having a flashback to Mikey's 13th birthday.

*Flashback*

I smiled as I looked at my brother, who was still asleep. He probably doesn't even remember that when he wakes up he'll be 13. Almost as if on script, Mikey's eyes opened. I walked over to his bed and knelt down.

"Happy brithday, Mikey." I smiled.

"Thanks!" Mikey replied as he wrapped his smaller arms around me. He yawned.

"Get up if you want your presents, kiddo." I whispered, ruffling his hair. Mikey sprang up and jumped on my back.

"Don't you think you're getting a bit old for that now?" I asked.

"Uhm, lemme think...NO!" Mikey responded. I carried him downstairs to meet our parents.

"Happy birthdat, Mikey!" Our parents exclaimed, pulling out a small box.

"Thanks." Mikey smiled. Our parents handed him the box, and he opened it.

"WOW!" He exclaimed. He got a cell phone.

*End Flashback*

Before I could finish the memory, sleep had finally arrived.

I'll often wonder how I wound up having Gerard as an older brother. He's always so loving and he's always there for me. He's always ready to put whatever he's doing aside to be there for me. I'm so lucky...I wouldn't trade him for anything. I remembered when Gerard got shot in the arm when I was 12 and he was 15. He kept doing what he was doing, didn't let the pain stop him. I begged him to just leave me and look after himself, but he obviously wouldn't. I drifted off into a sleep, re-living the terror of that night.

*Flashback Dream*

It was a normal night. Gerard and I were just lying down in our beds in our room, our parents in theirs. Then, we heard it. A gunshot. I didn't know what was happening, but Gerard seemed to have an idea. He rushed to my bed and picked me up.

"What's going on?" I asked, terrified.

"Neighbourhood raiding, people attack a neighbourhood with guns." Gerard replied. He continued to carry me to our Mom and Dad's room. The door was closed.

"Mom, Dad?" Gerard called.

"Take your brother and leave! Don't worry about us!" Our mother called. Gerard kicked down the door.

"Let them go you vile pieces of shit!" my brother exclaimed. I was shaking in fear.

"Gerard, do what your mother instructed you to!" Our Dad yelled. Gerard progressed into the room, still carrying me.

"Gerard, let's go!" I whispered.

"We can't." Gerard whispered back. One of the men fired the gun, the bullet piercing Gerard's arm. Gerard bit his lip from the pain.

"Gerard!" I screamed. Gerard put me down and ran at the men, pulling them off of our parents and pushing them both out the window. Blood spilled profusely out of his arm. I cried, thinking that I was going to lose my brother. Gerard picked me up, and we ran to the basement, followed by our parents.

"Put me down! Look after yourself!" I sobbed.

"No, you've got your whole life to live."

I started pounding Gerard's back. He finally put me down, and went to look after the wound. I continued to sob.

"Mikey?" My mother asked. I looked up.

"Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.

"Gerard got shot while covering me and getting you guys." I cried.

"I'm alright." Gerard said softly as he came up behind me.

"I xan't lose you!" I cried, holding onto my brother.

"You won't. You're not losing me anytime soon."

*End Flashback Dream*

I laughed as Mikey attempted to make himself stop blushing.

"Why do you do this to me?" my brother asked.

"I don't know..." I replied. My mind travelled back to the last time that Mikey had asked me that question.Unfortunately, that time was very unpleasant.

*Flashback*

I came stumbling home drunk...again. Mikey did his usual routine on getting m eto the washroom, holding my hair out of my face as I threw up, then taking me upstairs, getting me into clean clothes, and then lying me down on the bed.

"Why do you do this to me?"

Before I could answer, I passed out.

*End Flashback*

"Gerard?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you thinking about..."it"?"

"Yep."

"Well, that's all in the past, so you can stop dwelling on it...just focus on the present and the future." Mikey told me.

"Where did your "inspirational" vocabulary come from?" I asked.

"You're rubbing off on me." Mikey replied, poking me. I yawned, and Mikey did too. We didn't bother to get up and got to the bunks. Instead, I sprawled out on the couch, and then Mikey sprawled out on top of me. I kissed his head, and felt him smile against my shoulder as he kissed it.

The thought that one of us is going to die is unbearable. We can't imagine living as one without the other.

I eagerly awaited the drawing that Gerard was doing for me. Whenever he drew something for me, it was perfect.

"Mikey?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm done the drawing." Gerard smiled. He handed it to me and I excitedly looked and all of the detail that my brother included.

"Wow, Mikes! You look like a child on Christmas!" Gerard laughed.

"Whenever I get a drawing from you, it is like Christmas!" I exclaimed.

"It's not that good..." Gerard mumbled. I stared at him.

"Are you back on crack?! Your drawings are amazing!"

"If you say so.."

"You used to be so proud of your art, what happened?" I asked, worriedly. Gerard sighed.

"Well, it's ever since The Umbrella Academy started. Gabriel was making so many changes, it just seemed like my art wasn't good enough." Gerard said.

"I'm sure that Gabriel didn't intend to make you feel bad about your art...don't let one person get you down when you've got hundreds and thousands...maybe even millions of fans of your art." I told my brother. Since when were my words so inspirational?

"I guess you're right...thanks, Mikes." Gerard smiled.

"No problem, and don't forget that your number one fan is right here, and always will be." I smiled, pointing at myself.

"Take another look at the picture." Gerard whispered. I did. It had a quick not.

Mikey,

I tried to make this one perfect. A perfect picture for a perfect little brother.

xoxo Gerard

"You're blushing!" Gerard giggled.

"I am not!"

"Revenge is sweet! But I meant the note." Gerard smiled.

"Meanie! You made me blush!"

"You're welcome!"

When we got back onto the bus, I put the tenser bandage on, and grabbed my sketchbook. I looked through the sketches, and then I flipped to a blank page. I started to draw. I didn't know what I was drawing until I was finished. I drew a picture of Mikey and I.

"Gerard? What are you drawing?" Mikey asked me. I quickly covered the pictuer.

"Nothing."

"Then why can't I see it?"

"Because...I drew your birthday present." I smiled. Mikey tried to grab my sketchbook, but didn't succeed.

"No, otherwise it won't be very good." I said.

"Why?"

"I still have to colour it!" I exclaimed. Mikey sighed, accepting defeat.

"Fine." he pouted. There was a bit of silence, and then I smiled.

"Gerard? Why do you look like you have an evil plan?" Mikey asked. I looked at him and raised my eyebrow. I lunged forward and started to tickle Mikey. He squealed with delight. I stopped.

"Why do I never see that coming?" he asked.

"Not too sure, can't be bothered to find out." I smirked.

"Gerard?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you draw me a picture?" Mikey asked. Just like old times.

"Sure, of what?"

"Uhm...The Goffo Brothers!" Mikey exclaimed.

I started to draw.

This has to be perfect. A perfect picture for a perfect baby brother.

Mikey's p.o.v.

I sat with Gerard on the couch. We were on our way to the hospital. In the meantime, Ray and Frank were arguing over who won the guitar battle.

"I won! I mean, all the mean solos I threw in, I totally owned you!" Ray argued.

"No way! I wiped your ass silly with my guitar skills!" Frank fought back.

Gerard was staring off into space, probably thinking up the most negative conclusion to what had happened. I poked him, and he looked at me.

"I'm sure that whatever happened was just stress related or something." I told my brother.

"How could pain that bad be stress related?"

"Just...trust me for now...please?"

"Fine." Gerard replied, pressing his forehead to mine.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." he whispered.

"I'd die without you." I whispered back.

"We're here!" Bob called. Brian was awake again, but Bob insisted on driving.

I helped Gerard up, and let him lean on me as we walked into the building. Brian got Gerard checked in and then we went to the waiting room. We waited for a doctor to call for Gerard.

"Gerard?" a doctor called. I helped Gerard up and we went to see him. Gerard sat down, and pulled me down with him.

"So, your manager described you as having sharp pain in the right side of your body, is that true?" the doctor asked. Gerard nodded.

"He also said that you are trying to quit smoking." the doctor stated. Gerard nodded again.

"Well, it seems as though the stress from trying to quit after smoking for years is taking a toll on you, though about your leg, you just pulled a muscle." The doctor explained after taking a look at my brother. He handed Gerard a tenser bandage, and said

"Just wrap this around your leg where the pain is, and in about a week you'll be fine."

"Can I still play shows?" Gerard asked.

"Yes, just don't jump around as much."

Gerard and I walked out of the doctor's office.

"Told you it was stress related." I smirked.

"Smartass."

What was that? I broke down in front of Mikey, so now he's probably just staying to protect me. I blew off the thought and focused on the audience waiting for the band.

"You alright?" Mikey asked.

"Yeah." I said, with a fake smile.

"I'm staying on my own free will, just so you know." he told me. How does he do that?

"Okay." I sighed.

"Chin up, kid." my brother smiled and patted my back. We walked onstage.

"How are you Los Angeles?!" I screamed. A deafening roar from the crowd was the response.

"You look really good." I said. Another roar.

"Let's get things started!" I yelled. The opening riffs from our first untitled song started.

Throughout the show, I did my usual antics, as did the rest of the band. During the middle of Thank You For The Venom, I felt a sharp pain in my leg and spread up to my right arm. During the guitar solo, I started to walk toward Mikey, but I fell to my knees about half way there.

Mikey ran up to me and knelt beside me, still playing.

"Gerard? What's going on?" he asked, concerned.

"The whole right side of my body hurts." I whimpered.

Frank and Ray had started a guitar battle to avert the attention away from me.

"Do you think you can make it through the concert?" Mikey asked.

"I'll try." I stated. Mikey helped me up, and I felt the pain all over again. Mikey let me lean on him and he got me offstage.

The backstage paramedics looked at me. They told me that we would have to cancel the rest of the show. Mikey went on and announced that I couldn't continue, and we would reschedule.

Mikey helped me onto the bus, and he sat with me on the couch. What was going to happen to me?

Great, Just great. I'm really considering just dropping out of this tour. I've almost been killed a few times, and I'm getting depressed and suicidal again. How much longer will I be able to take this? I decided to talk to Gerard before anything got out of hand.

"Gerard? Can I talk to you?" I asked.

"Of course you can." he replied. I shyly took his hand and took him into our dressing room.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I need help." I stated.

"What kind of help?"

"Whatever help from you I can get." I choked out. I blinked back tears.

"What's going on, Mikey?" my brother asked.

"I've been considering dropping out of the tour...and my depression is coming back." I cautiously explained.

"Alright, well what has you thinking of dropping out of the tour?"

"The fact that I've almost died a few times, and I feel like I'm just bringing us down."

"Mikey, first of all, you're not bringing us down. Second, I think it's my fault that you almost...you know." Gerard told me, his voice starting to shake.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Why would he blame himself for my carelessness?

"It's my job to protect you, and I'd say that I've been doing a pretty shitty job." my brother choked out.

"What are you talking about? You're-" I started.

"A terrible brother! I'm a terrible older brother!" he cried.

How long has this been bothering him?

"You are NOT a terrible older brother! You're the best one there is!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around him. There's no way I'm dropping out of this tour now, and I can't leave this world yet, either. There's too much to protect, and too much to live for.

"Gee, I'm not dropping out, and I'm not leaving the Earth either."

"Okay, good." He sniffed, wrapping his arms around me.

"Let's give them a show they'll never forget!" I smiled.

"Let's do it." Gerard agreed.

So, we helped eachother, and that's good enough.

Gerard's p.o.v.

I gripped the steering wheel, trying to will the bus away from the side of the bridge. I just managed to get back on the road.

"Everyone alright?" I called. I got 4 responses.

"Good! We're there!" I called out again.

"THANK GOD!" Mikey yelled. I stopped the bus and I heard the door slam.

"Gerard! Mikey's throwing up outside!" Bob yelled. I sighed. I got off the bus and knelt beside him.

"You gonna be able to play the show?" I asked, rubbing his back. Mikey nodded.

"Here." I said, and handed him a water bottle.

"Thanks, just...what are we going to do about Brian?" Mikey asked.

"He's probably just sleeping, he hasn't been getting much rest lately."

"Why?"

"Personal issues."

"Oh, okay. Can you help me?" My brother asked.

"Sure." I replied, helping him up.

Hasn't this been an interesting day...

So I was wrong all along. Gerard wasn't even upset. I am such a pessimist, but how can you blame me? After all that Paramour shit, pessimistic ways are like a religion of sorts!

"Mikey, are you alive?" Frank asked, poking me.

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, I thought you were asleep or dead..." Frank explained.

"What made you think that?"

"As soon as Brian started gunning it, you were lying down with your eyes closed, and you were motionless."

"Oh, oops. I didn't scare Gerard, did I?"

"No." Frank replied, motioning at the chair. Gerard was slumped down with his eyes closed.

I held my stomach. I suddenly felt nauseous.

"You alright, man?" Frank asked worriedly.

"Think someone can get Brian to stop gunning it?" I asked, clutching my stomach.

"Brian! Slow down a bit!" Frank called. The bus didn't change speed.

Frnak went up to the front to see Brian.

"Uhm, guys?" He called.

"Yeah?"

"Brian's either sleeping, unconsious, or he's dead..."

"WHAT?!"

"BRIAN! WAKE UP!" Frank screamed. He didn't. The bus started to head straight for the side of the bridge.

I didn't notice it, but Gerard was up. He sprang to the wheel in an attempt to stop the bus from going right off the bridge.

Heaven help us now...

I woke up to hear Ray practically yelling

"Mikey, what are you talking about?!"

I shook my head. What's he talking about? Darth Vader? Pro wrestlers?

I walked into the living room area to see that what I thought wasn't the case at all. Mikey was crying on the couch.

"I hate you! It's my fault!" he cried. I rushed to his side.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"I hate you!" he screamed.

"But-" I started.

"Not you, my conscience!" he quickly corrected himself.

"Why?" I asked. Frank, Ray, and Bob were glad that I was getting my brother to talk.

"My conscience kept telling me that it's my fault that you were upset, and then it started to sink in and-" Mikey started ranting.

"Mikey, I was never upsaet!" I exclaimed.

"But you were-"

"I was tired, not upset, Mikes. It makes me upset seeing you like this." I told him.

"See, I'm making you upset anyway!" He started.

"Mikey, no. Stop jumping to the worst conclusions." I stated firmly.

"Alright, I'm sorry."

"No need to be, I wasn't angry anyway." I smiled and gave him a hug. He seemed like he needed one.

I looked at the time.

"Holy crap! we have to go!" I exclaimed. It was 6:00 pm, and we had to be onstage for 8:00 pm.

"1,2,3,4...
 I counted.

"GUN IT BRIAN!!!!" we all screamed. The bus sped up.

We are good!

"Tom! You've got to listen to me!"

Yep, here we are again. My twin brother, Bill and I, arguing again.

"Give me one good reason!" I yelled back.

You see, Bill's never very happy when I forget something, or when I go on a date, or when I bring a girl back with me. The theme today? Bringing a girl home.

"It's not good for you!" Bill tried.

"How would you know? I am the older twin, and I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions!" I screamed.

"But-"

"NO! You might as well give up, it's not going to work, not matter how hard you try."

"Fine, but remember, there's no me without you." he stated and walked into his hotel room.

There was something really weird going on with Bill. He was really quiet, and he always seemed nervous and irritable. He also always looked like he was about to burst into tears. I sat on my bed. What was wrong with Bill?

About half an hour later, there was a knock on my door. I opened the door, and there was an envelope.

"Interesting..." I muttered. I walked back to my bed and opened it. It was a letter.

Dear Tom,

By the time you're done reading this, I might already be dead, or about to die. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I did today. You should know that you choose my fate. I'm sorry.

Love, Bill.

I stared at the letter, shocked and horrified. I got up and ran to Bill's room.

"Bill! Open up!" I screamed. I found the door unlocked. I walked in and rushed to where I heard noise.

"Bill, put that gun down!" I said sternly.

He started to pull the trigger.

I ran at him and grabbed the gun. I threw it across the room.

"Bill, did I cause this?" I asked, ashamed.

"Yeah..." Bill said, looking down. He started shaking.

"Hey, Bill. I'm so sorry. Shh. Everything's alright now." I whispered as I held him close with his back against my chest.

"I'm sorry, Tom." He whimpered.

"It's alright. Just don't ever do that to me again." I said, turning him around, letting him bury his face in my chest as I rubbed his back.

"Alright." He sniffled.

"Good, because there's no me without you."